Mommy, Somebody Needs You

I recently read this article. http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4900686

The very watered-down jist of the story is all those tedious things that mothers hate doing such as wiping noses, changing clothes and patting backs, all those of obnoxious things we do are because someone needs us and that eventually those days will end and nobody will need us anymore and we will miss those days dearly. It's a great read, it made me cry. But then again everything makes me cry now.

So Emily's crib is falling apart. Our plan was to put the side back on the crib Nathaniel is sleeping in and move Emily into it and then move Nathaniel into the double bed that Little Jon is currently sleeping in and have them sleep together. It saves space it is the cheapest option. Little Jon loves to sleep with Nathaniel they've done it a couple times before however Nathaniel really likes having his own space. Tonight was the first night we instigated the boys must sleep together program. The boys weren't being very obedient so they were sent to bed early. When I put Nathaniel up in Little Jon's bed(it's a top bunk) he was virtually hysterical he did not want to sleep there however we decided that if we were going to go through this we had to be consistent. Plus all changes have a certain adjustment period. For 40 minutes I kept going back into their room telling Little Jon to leave Nathaniel alone and to go to sleep. Finally I decided to stay in there and rub their backs until they fell asleep.  Nathaniel fell asleep after about 13 minutes. Little Jon however, seemed quite alert. About this time I start thinking about how much I need to go feed Emily, and how much I don't want to be rubbing his back anymore, about how my arm is really tired from reaching over the top bunk to try to reach his back so I can rub it. I try explaining this to Little Jon, he just begs me to stay and keep rubbing his back. Write as I am trying to find a way, anyway, to get out of rubbing his back anymore a little voice in my head says "Mommy, somebody needs you." And so instead of leaving, and trying to find a way out of it, I stayed. For the first time in a long time I chose my children over cleaning the house or getting other things that I wanted to get done. This is something that I have really been trying to work on recently. I feel like I'm not a very nice mother and it's got me worried. I've been trying really hard to work on it and tonight I finally felt like I had a little piece of success. My house is a disaster, there are groceries all over the floor (but at least I got all the frozen and refrigerated stuff put away right?) but that's okay because tonight somebody needed me.

A Thought on Motherhood and Body Size

I have mostly been using this blog as a way to update my in-laews who are currently in the Philippines but today I would like to change my focus and write a letter to my dear sweet mother, because if I write it down I will be able to get all of my feelings out coherently... I hope.

Dear Mom,
I came to an amazing realization today and I owe it all to you. I have never thought you ugly, ever, not even once. When I think of you I don't think of how much you weigh of how your hair looks or whether the house was clean. When I think of you I feel love. I don't just think about it I feel it. Motherhood is hard and I am sorry for being a punk most of my life I am so sorry. I wish I could have had the foresight to see how much my actions affected you. I guess thats the curse of motherhood you never realize how hard it is and how much you're children's action affect you and your happiness. That however is a thought I will go into deeper at another time.

Mom,
You have always been beautiful to me, always. That has made me realize that my children too, will think I am beautiful. I believe there is a beauty that comes with motherhood, that or kids really don't care about how much their parents weigh or how they dress. It brings me such comfort to know that even though I may not always be happy with my body my children are. It is soft and makes a great pillow. It can hold them tight when they are hurt and it can kiss all the boo-boos away. My body is good enough, I am good enough. So I vow to stop the body bashing because really who does that help anyway? Also, if I ever voice those negative thoughts about my body it gives them power over me and in turn will show my children that maybe they need to question their bodies too, and they don't, they are beautiful. So the bashing stops now, that acceptance begins now because if I am good enough for them and they think I am beautiful what else matters? If I have only ever thought of you as beautiful why can't my children think of me the same way? I have confidence that they will, and that confidence helps me feel beautiful, just the way I am. So bring on the swim suits and unflattering pictures because I am beautiful and I owe it all to you.
Thanks Mom.

It's Different This Time

Dear Mom,
I've noticed a very interesting phenomenon with Emily. You see usually right after I have a baby I enjoy having a newborn, for about a week and then I get bored and wish they would learn how to smile, or roll over or anything really. With Emily I am completely basking in the newborn-ness. I love to sit and look at her I don't mind nursing her for an hour plus (except that it's hard to keep the boys occupied that long). I sit and think about how much I love having a newborn. I've been wondering what has been different this time around and Jonathan helped me realize that currently she is my only child that doesn't destroy the house. I think he is on to something. I love having a baby that is so sweet, small, and immobile.
Little Jon has really blossomed into his older brother role. I ask him to help me do things all the time and he is so willing. He helps burp Emily, helps Nathaniel find his shoes and when Nathaniel is having a hard time getting up the slide or out of a whole Little Jon is there hand outstretched offering his service. It is adorable.
We had quite the experience at the grocery store today. Grocery shopping with 3 kids is hard because I don't have room for them and groceries, the cart simply isn't that big. So today Little Jon was standing on the outside of the cart, on the front and holding on. He likes to jump off and on, which is super obnoxious, and occasionally I bump into his feet accidentally. He thinks its funny, most of the time. I also can't see Little Jon when he is on the front of the cart because Emily's car seat is just too big. Anyway we were going through the store when Little Jon hopped off. I didn't know this and so I plowed on trying to get through the store as fast as I could. I rammed into Little Jon which hurled our cart to an immediate halt causing me to hit Little Jon in the head with the cart and, even better, Nathaniel who was standing in the basket flipped out and landed on the floor. It was a pretty nice bonk. Nathaniel is crying and as I tell Little Jon not to jump off the cart, rather forcefully, i see that he has a goosed on his head which makes me feel even worse. Thankfully everyone is ok, except my mommy ego.
SLY

Firsts

Dear kids,

Emily you smiled for real for the first time today and it melted my heart.

Little Jon today you played your first game of catch with your dad and he was so proud of you and had so much fun. You giggled the whole time. Dad can't wait for you to get bigger so you guys can play all kids of sports together.

Nathaniel you still aren't napping well because you are sick. I hope you get better soon.

I want to try to write a little bit about how the kids were that day so they have a fun record to look back on.

We are trying to put all of our camping stuff in one place which is requiring me to clean out or storage and it's making me super nesty.

Dad is trying to teach me how to throw  a  ball. He is failing and in sad to say it's not his fault. 

A Holy Woman

Dear mom, 

I read this book recently by Elder Russell M Nelson's wife. It's called What Would a Holy Woman Do? The gist of the story is that she goes on a three day challenge where every day she takes one ordinary tasks and thinks what would a holy woman do and sees how that changes her day. She also challenged several of her friends to do it with her. And the book is all about their experiences and what we can learn. As I read the book I had many thoughts. I have found that unfortunately I am in the habit of yelling at my children. It seems to be my go to when things go wrong. I came to the realization when Betsy was here helping out. I noticed as she would spend time with the children that when they would do something wrong she never yelled at them once but very calmly or even sternly corrected them and counseled them. I remember thinking as things went wrong what my reaction would be and then seeing what Betsy did instead and realizing that her way was better. Yelling does not accomplish the task that I was trying to do. It is not something a holy woman would do. It is something that I am striving to work on.

The other realization I had was how important it is to be with your children. When I spend time with them it is important that I am not just give them half of my attention while I scroll through Facebook or anything else. But when I'm spending time with my children I need to be with them.

When I nurse Emily I almost always open Facebook and start to scroll through that. My problem is when I scroll through Facebook I don't want to get off until I've seen all the new news because I want to make sure I haven't missed anything. Which in reality if it's that big news I'm going to see it because lots of people are going to comment on it and so it's going to be at the top of my newsfeed a lot. However I found that this is a major problem. I will be nursing and the boys will come up and want some of my attention but in my mind nursing time is Facebook time so I ignore them which leads to a lot of problems. The few times I've tried to do story time during nursing like you suggested have gone really really well. I need to stick to that or at least be available to chat with them so that they feel like I'm not just ignoring them multiple times a day. I have also realized that Facebook is a very poor use of my time. If the boys don't want my attention while I am nursing I should use it is time to study my scriptures. I've really been struggling to try and find a time to sit down and have a few minutes of quiet where I can read my scriptures and as I pondered upon this I realized that nursing is a good opportunity to do that. So a holy woman, in my opinion, would spend her time nursing giving her children the attention they need. If they are happy on their own using that time to better herself through scripture study.

A holy woman also cares about her body. Meaning that she exercises and eats healthy she does not ignore it and let it fall by the wayside and gain unnecessary pounds. She would cherish the gift that her Heavenly Father gave her and protect it and keep it healthy and strong. 

These are all things I am striving to work on things that I feel are important to change. I am so very glad that I had the opportunity to read this book. And I hope that I can become a more holy woman as I work on these tasks. 

SLY

Cabin fever

 Dear mom,

It has been so nice to have Betsy here. She is great with the kids and has helped out so much around the house. We will definitely miss her Shadow especially. We aren't sure what Betsy did to encourage her but Shadow is convinced they are best friends and won't leave her alone, it's been obnoxious. Today Jonathan dug up the back yard in preparation for the excavator to come really dig it up and put in the new water main line. I am excited to have this done even if we have to go without water again for a day or two. I've decided that being mentally prepared to have your water turned off is the biggest battle. Anyway Jonathan's boss and co-worker came over this morning to help and in just a couple hours they were done however it was hard work and Jonathan has the blisters to prove it . His hands are so sore it even hurts to type. He wore gloves too but it was just that difficult. 

The doc told me that if Emily gets sick in the first 3 months she will automatically admitted to the nicu. I thought having a baby in the summer meant we wouldn't be stuck at home as long. I think this is because she spent time in the nicu because that wasn't the rule with any of our other kids. I'm really looking forward to getting back to our schedule and everything. I am excited to clean the house and go to the store and go back to normal but I still have to wait a few weeks before I can do any major cleaning and now I have to be careful with Emily too. It's a little disheartening but I guess I will just get used to it. We love and miss you tons and it was so good to see your faces a couple days ago. SLY!

Emily Kristen Baird

Sweet Emily was due on the 2nd of August. I had been having quite a bit of false labor in fact I called my parents telling them it was time to come and they came but then the baby didn't. Sound familiar? The same thing happened with Nathaniel but then he came for real like 36 hours later, this little one didn't. We thought for sure she would come early or at least not too late because of all of my false labor. On Wednesday the 6th I really thought it was the real deal which would have put me 4 days past due, that was what Nathaniel was when he finally came. Looking back I wonder if my body was ready and tried but she was just too big. Anyway I went in for an appointment on Tuesday the 12th, 10 days overdue. They did an ultrasound and told me my baby was 12 lbs 12 oz. At first I laughed because I knew she was a big baby but as the day went on I started to get nervous. We really wanted to have another unmedicated VBAC, but then I got nervous at the thought of squeezing out an almost 13 lb baby. After talking to my husband and mother in law I got some much need comfort and we figured that if my body went into labor on my own and started progressing that meant my body was ready and could do this but if not I would just have a c section. Because I am a VBAC induction is not a great idea because of the forced labor and we all (midwives included) felt like it wasn't a good option. The doctors told me to just schedule a c section for the next day because Wednesdays are when they try to schedule all of their c sections because it is the day they have the OR scheduled for them and it's just easier. Even though I knew I would have been 11 days overdue if I did that I had to wait until the last moment or else I would have wondered the whole time if I had just given her one more day if she would have come. So I asked if I could wait until Friday which would put me 13 days overdue and at that point heavily encourage anyone to be induced or have a c section because placentas aren't meant to last forever and mine was getting old. I had a couple contractions randomly a few days before but I think she was just too bid, who knows. 

On Friday morning we showed up to the hospital and spent 2 hours filing out paperwork and getting all set up and ready to go. We went in for the c section and the whole Time I was impressed how little pain I felt even the shots from all the anesthesia, getting poked over and over again was very painless. It is so nice have a planed C-section verses an emergency one. Everything is so calm and happy and not rushed. I didn't really feel anything during the c section which was good Jonathan and I talked to the anesthesiologist and just chatted while everything was going on and then the doctor said "are you ready for delivery dad?" So Jonathan looked over, they pulled her out and the doctor said "wow, you did not want that coming out of your vagina!" We all giggled and they lifted her up so I could get a quick glimpse and all I saw was a wrinkly forehead, but it was a cute one.

I was very conscious this time around and after they took Emily away I chatted with Jonathan for a little bit and then they sent her back over so we could hold her. Because I was laying down and still had the drape just below my face it was kinda awkward to hold her. She basically laced her on my collarbone and I used my hands to try to keep her from rolling over my face. I did ok for a few minutes but then one of my arms started going numb so I told Jonathan he should take her. He looks so good holding babies it was a great just to watch him hold her.

Jonathan left with Emily to run all the other tests while they finished stitching me up and moving me to the room. They both came back pretty quick and Emily latched right on and nursed for 40 minutes. I was blown away! It didn't hurt at all it was like I had already been nursing her for months I was very surprised but pleased. We cuddled a little and then she nursed for another 20 minutes. This girl knows what she's doing! Aside effect of the anesthesia I was on was that it made my face super itchy. I kept trying to dose off while holding Emily but every 3 minutes I had to itch my face and it would wake me up, it was so obnoxious. The nurse came in and asked to hold Emily because she looked a little "dusky" which I wasn't sure what they meant but she was grey. They got her pink again and Jonathan started cuddling with her while I tried to sleep with my overly itchy face. We all kinda dozed but the nurse came in and took Emily because she was really grey again and they couldn't really get her to cry. They came back and said they needed to monitor her for a couple hours in the nicu. My parents were just about to bring the boys over to meet their sister but we called them and said you better wait she is being monitored. No one was happy about it but it needed to be done.

Emily has stayed in the the nicu since then. Because Emily was so big her arteries are having a hard time opening up enough to get oxygen to her lungs. We can visit her as much as we want but we can't hold or nurse her or really stimulate her in anyway because that makes her breathe harder which is only bad because she starts to expel a lot of carbon dioxide which alters the ph of her blood and is bad. So we can sit by her and put our hands on her and that's about it. It's been very hard to not have her with us in the room and to not be able to hold her. They did call us down when it was time for her to eat and they let me hold her while we bottle fed her my pumped milk plus a little formula which I really appreciated. Just holding her for those 15 minutes or so lifted my spirits a lot. She has only been in the nicu for 26 hours or so but it seems like she has been gone forever. The oxygen she is on is helping her a lot she is showing a ton of improvement. We are hoping by Sunday night she will be off oxygen but we will just have to see. I feel like I am in the middle of that marshmallow experiment where they say you can eat one now or wait 5 minutes and then you can have 2. I want to hold her so bad and nurse her now but if I wait for her to get better then I can take her home and have her be healthy as opposed to delaying her progress and keeping her here longer by holding her now. 

I have been feeling great my pain was like a 2 or lower this whole time so this afternoon when they came to give me pain meds I asked for a half dose but then I showered and walked around for the first time and now I am feeling it so I am back on full doses :) I have to remind myself that even though I feel really good I am not super woman and I still need to take it easy. 

The boys have come to visit me but still haven't met their sister because we need to keep her calm and not stimulated. Little Jon is doing well Nathaniel doesn't understand why we don't come home and has a hard time. I think he is realizing life is changing but he isn't quite sure how yet he hasn't seen the whole picture. It will be good when we can all be home together again.

Overall we are all doing well, just tired of being separated.

 13 days overdue

 Going in! Can you tell I am excited?

 First picture before the took her away

In the nicu

 Holding our sweet baby girl

Wedding!

Dear Mom,

Ok I will try to do this whole experience justice but it's been like a week and I'm lazy. The boys and I met grandpa at the IF airport and headed out to Denver on Monday(?) night, yeah that sounds right. Packing for a week for the two boys and I  required a fair amount of luggage. Anyway the flight wasn't bad. The flight the next morning to San Francisco was way worse. We had to get up at 4 am so we had cranky boys. Nathaniel screamed most of the 2.5 hour flight until finally grandpa got him to sleep in his arms. I actually started crying in the plane I was so frustrated. When we picked up the rental car we had a minivan which was fine except the car seat anchors took up 2 seats so we then didn't have enough seats, and we only had one set of anchors so I insisted we get another car. We got a Yukon however that SUV doesn't have any anchors in it. I was so mad and cranky improbably wasn't very nice but we just dealt with it because they didn't have anything else so we buckled them in which I don't like doing because it isn't as secure but whatever. I took my parents to the temple so they could go through the temple with Paige and then I turned around and went to the oakland airport to go pick up Whitney and Hannah. We then went back to the temple to get grandma and grampa.we finally got to the house we were renting and it was awesome. The house way like 1.5 hours away from the temple and like anything else we had to do so we did a lot of driving but it was the only place big enough for all of us. It was an awesome house with amazing views the master suite was the size of JT and I's first apartment! It was also full of antiques which were amazing but not very kid friendly. We spend a lot of the first day baby proofing and we still ended up having issues. They had room outside to run around but lots of random ledges so it was hard but nice. Overall I think it was our best option. Anyway we spent Wednesday in San Francisco. We went to the Golden Gate Bridge, china town Andi think someplace else but I can't remember. My dad will have to fact check this whole thing and leave changes in the comments lol. Then we picked up JT from the airport. He had a miserable flight so he wasn't in a great mood. The other thing about the house we stayed in was that it's like 20 minutes off the highway in the boonies and the road to get there is narrow and windy(?) JT said it was the worst road he has ever been on. It was dangerous so many blind corners and hairpin turns. So that didn't help at all, he also had homework to do and it had to be in by midnight rexburg time which we realized was 11 California time, so that made things more difficult. I really wished I could've taken JT with our to sight see in San Fran but we will just have to go back again. Thursday Steven flew in and the boys had their bachelor party. There were horses at the house we stayed at. JT tried to work with them but when he went into the field to get them and go burs(the pokey plants) all the way up his garments they called it quits. We spent 5 minutes pulling them all out and ended up just throwing out his socks. So the boys ended up seeing a movie, going to Dave and busters (it's a big kids chuckie cheese) and then out to dinner, so we didn't see them until late. I think that was the day we went and did flowers for the wedding. Not sure what happened friday(I know I am such a great record keeper ;) Saturday was the wedding and it was beautiful. That night was the reception and it was a nightmare lol. Receptions just aren't for kids. The reception in California was the ultimate Pinterest reception . It was super nice and beautiful. It was all pastels and classy. Sunday we went home and he flight was pretty good.

JT went to school and I did the laundry and the Wednesday we left for Denver. The flight attendant was a nightmare. She insisted that Nathaniel stay in JT's lap almost the entire flight because he was a lap child even though there was an empty seat right next to him. JT spent all of Thursday building the reception he really did almost all the work he was amazing. He spent most of Friday doing it too. Our stay in Denver was much nicer, it is amazing what being in a familiar place with toys and a place to run will do for kids. Friday night was the reception and it was amazing it came together beautifully and we had a babysitter so it was very enjoyable. Saturday we hung out at the house with everyone. It was so nice to just relax. That night we all went out to dinner with out kids and then the young couple went to the movies. The boys saw an action flick and he girls saw The Fault in Our Stars. It was pretty cute. I am experiencing an interesting phenomenon. Any time I watch a chick flick now it's all about JT and I. It reminds me of us and our story etc it's really sweet. And then Sunday we all went home.

It is so nice to be home and kinda back in a schedule. Little Jon's new thing is he says "I got you mommy" he always says it to me after I've pushed him over though, it's pretty funny. 

Last night was rough.we went to bed late and then I tossed and turned waiting for JT to come to bed and I though I kept hearing the boys opening their door so I kept expecting them to come into our room. JT finally came up just before 3 (I had gone up at 12) and at some point something fell in the bathroom that knocked over a cup it was super loud and I shot up in bed and JT was like it's just me I am here and I said did you knock over a cup? And he was like what? He was totally out of it but kept reassuring me that it was just him lol he was no use so I just went to bed and figured I would sort it out in the morning. Then at 4 Little Jon woke up and came into our room as I got up JT "woke up" and said just let him snuggle with us in bed. Which is really weird for JT I really wanted to just put Little Jon back in  bed so I could get some sleep but JT insisted so I waited until Little Jon was asleep and then I put him in bed. I would get him to sleep and then as soon as I would get to the door he would wake up and scream for me. When I finally got Little Jon totally asleep, Nathaniel woke up. By then it was like 5 so I just got up and started working in my lesson for Sunday. I fell asleep sitting cris cross applesauce in a chair and Nathaniel fell asleep across my knees. When we woke up like an hour later we were both stiff uncomfortable and cold, which is impressive because I get so hot at night now no one is allowed to touch me more or less cuddle lol. The fans go full blast and I wear as little as possible and I still wake up sweaty. Yay summer pregnancy! Anyways everyone was cranky and tired today. Hopefully tonight is better. 

It was so nice to FaceTime you last night. I forget how much I miss you until I see your face and then I remember. 

I carry a camelback around with me all day to quench my thirst which the kids are great at using too the problem is getting Nathaniel to not chew on the  bite valve, it's a struggle it already has a small hole because of him and we bought it like 2 months ago lol.

Well this post is way more than long enough, I hope you made it through without falling asleep. We love and miss you dearly.

SLY

Uncle Paco

Dear mom,

Paco left a few hours ago and I must say in the 36 ish hours we saw him we had a blast! We don't talk about Paco much at home because we don't FaceTime him and so Little Jon just isn't familiar with who he is but he walks around and talks about Paco all the time. When Paco showed up Friday night around 11 the kids were in bed but Jonathan, Paco and I stayed up talking and didn't go to bed until 2, it was so late. Then of course the boys woke up at 630 so there I was up and at 'em. We started making breakfast and getting things going and around 8 I took the boys down to wake up Paco. We threw them in his bed and they freaked, they couldn't get off fast enough. We had crepes for breakfast and they were delicious! Jonathan's boss was moving into his house Saturday so they went over for an hour to help. Jonathan made sure Paco took it really easy with his should, which means Jonathan over did it a little. He told me he carried a chest freezer all by himself! Afterward they went on a bike ride together with the boys, while I mowed the lawns. 

They had a blast and so did the boys although it's been a long time since Jonathan rode a bike so he was pretty sore not to mention all the extra weight he was carrying. Afterward we had a BBQ and man it was soooooo good! We made homemade root beer and had a blast playing with our favorite uncle Paco. Who spent a lot of time spinning the boys, they loved it. We came in and we all took naps. Then we had dinner and just hung out. So we weren't expecting Paco to come up this weekend because he and Betsy were going to both come but Betsy texted us early in the week to say she couldn't come, however she didn't tell Paco this. So Friday morning we got a call from Paco saying hey I'm heading out this evening etc. so because it was such late notice Jonathan didn't get his homework done before Paco got her so he spend sometime Saturday night doing that. Jonathan and Paco took a break to look at Lego sets online though. Paco almost bought a Star Wars set for $200. I have a had time believing how that would ever be worth it but whatever. Anyway Paco went to bed "early" which meant like 1130. I stayed up with Jonathan while he finished his homework which means I slept on the futon while he worked lol. At 130 I woke up and asked if he was done and we finally went to bed. Then at 630 the kids woke up again... Awesome ;) We got up and started getting ready for church and having breakfast etc. We had stake conference today and Elder Perry came to speak, it was for like all of southeast Idaho. We decided to try our luck at the BYU I Center instead of our stake center. A friend of mine recently called stake conference the kobioshy maru from Star Trek and I have to say it's completely true. It is the impossible test. We decided that we would just go for 1 hour and be done. It would be I jet as long as a sacrament meeting and then we would be done.  It went ok, we didn't quite make it an hour. It's so hard when Nathaniel's morning nap is during church he gets so cranky. Anyway so we left and came home for naps. I laid down and like an hour into my nap Little Jon woke up and came in to snuggle with me. He always has to have his head on my arm, it's like the perfect pillow for him. Our nap went well and we ended up sleeping for like another 2 hours and at some points our faces were snuggled together which was great because that usually bugs the crap out of me I can't be that close to someone while I sleep but it totally worked and was sweet. When I woke up thoug my arm was so sore from have a child's head on it for 2 hours. It was painful. I knew if I moved my arm he would wake up and so I was debating whether or not to wake him and save my arm. I heard that Nathaniel was up and Paco was too so I figured we should get up and hang out with everyone. We took the side off of Nathaniel's crib so he can get out of bed but he can't open his door yet, which is good and bad. Good because it helps him learn that he has to stay in bed but bad because sometimes I use it as a baby gate and then I go get him finally and his diaper is off and it's exciting. Anyway we had lunch hung out for a little bit and then it was time for Paco to leave. We said goodbye and Little Jon cried as he drove away. Little Jon spent the weekend running around the house yelling for Paco every minute, it was adorable. Jonathan would becoming upstairs with Paco and all Little Jon would say was Paco, Paco? It was like Jonathan wasn't even there lol. Anyways it was a great weekend. We were so happy to have our favorite uncle Paco weekend so now they have a face with the name and memories too. Unsurprisingly my house is a mess but it was totally worth it. I wish Builder Fusion would sent Paco to Idaho for work. Jonathan and I are feeling pretty yucky from all the junk food we ate this weekend. 5 gallons of homemade root beer is a lot of soda for 3 adults to go through, we still have some left. Like I said though it has all been totally worth it, I just hope we find a way to get Betsy up to visit us too because Paco is going to be so busy traveling this summer he doesn't think he will be able to come see us again, we will figure it out though. We miss you tons! SLY

Tough as nails

Dear mom,

Little Jon is tough as nails, he might be more hard core than Ammon which is saying something. Yesterday Little Jon pulled the cutting board out and it landed on his foot. He screamed of course and Jonathan picked him up and checked his toes to see if they were broken because they were purple and they were cut and bleeding. He didn't scream louder so they weren't broken and then he looked at Jonathan got down and walked downstairs to go finish watching Cars. I mean we are talking a total of 2 minutes of tears maybe. His toes look fine today but man I am sure they are still sore. 

Also a week or so ago we were out walking shadow and Little Jon was holding the leash. It had kinda wrapped around Shadow's legs so there wasnt any slack. All of the sudden Shadow bolted slamming Little Jon into the ground. He landed amid rocks and pokey plants. It was quite rough. He cried for a minute maybe two and then asked to finish waking Shadow. I was blown away that fall really knocked him up, I was finding scratched and splinters all over his body for the next several days.

So Shadow has learned how to jump over our fence. She climbs on top of her dog house then hops over. It's really unfortunate and makes it hard to leave the house sometimes. Thankfully our next door neighbor has an awesome dog kennel we have borrowed a couple of times. We are going to put some sheep wire across the top of her house so she can't get on it anymore and that should solve the problem. In the mean time we've has to bring her inside a lot more which hasn't been a huge deal. I feel really bad though because she still escapes and our neighbor across the street has dogs that she likes to play with. We've gotten a couple calls late at night letting us know our dog was at someone else's house. I can't wait to get the wire up so this problem is fixed.

We miss you tons! SLY

Yucky

Dear Mom,

I don't feel well today. We have been having cold cereal a lot for breakfast recently because it's easy, fast and we really suck at getting up on time. I have learned though that cold cereal is not enough for me. I need something more substantial and nutritious. So hubris morning we were running late and my kitchen was a mess so we had cold cereal and then we took JT to school and the boys and I ran errands. By the end of all of our errands I was feeling pretty cruddy. Tired, hungry, nauseous, etc. we came home and put Nathaniel down for a late nap and then I warmed up some left overs for lunch. Eating helped a little but I still feel somewhat nauseous and I am still exhausted. The problem is I don't know if I am really all that tired or because I know my iron is low and I should be tired that I am making a bigger deal out of this then I should. I wish I didn't know my iron was low so then I could just listen to my body and not have to worry about my brain getting in the way. I am also anxious to hear how my blood work turned out so I know if I have this diabetes thing or not, I should find out today. I also wonder if I am suffering from allergies like JT is (he asked me to go buy him medicine today, I almost fainted from shock), at least after talking to dad that what he thinks is up, I hope it is because it would be great to have him well again. 

I think this is the smallest I have ever been this far along in a pregnancy. But I feel like this little girl sure takes up the space well. I don't know if she feels like a big baby because I still look fairly little but she is the most active of any of our children and I am almost always feeling kicks in multiple places simultaneously, which is something I have never felt until this pregnancy. I keep thinking that secretly I am having twins ;) my stomach also feel tight much more often then I am used to. Any kind of bending or physical activity seems to trigger Braxton hicks or just over all tightness. If ever any of our children were going to come early it would be this one. I don't know if I should be worried, I'm not overly worried. The problem is I have been having to have my doc appointments on Saturdays so JT can watch the kids but that means I only ever see the doctors I haven't seen a midwife in a couple months and I really want to because I feel weird explaining thing like this to a doctor they just seem to look at me and go ok. I feel like if I told me midwife though she would talk to me and be interested in knowing that I feel smaller but still full, you know? I don't know if that makes sense, but it did to me. I have a friend that I am exchanging babysitting with now so I can get in during the week and see the midwives, plus I really need to meet the new one. I should probably do that before I deliver :) 

I was really excited to clean my house today because it's messier than it's been in a lie and I just love getting to the end of a Monday and knowing my whole house is clean, but maybe I will take it easy and try to nap instead. Miss you tons!

SLY

Easter

Dear Mom,

Easter was great! We went to see my parents and had a great time. Steven came with his family too. Little Jon loved playing with his cousin Hannah. He especially enjoyed pushing her around in a baby doll stroller. Hannah turns one this month but is the same size as Nathaniel.

It was a busy trip too because we were trying to get everyone's outfits for the wedding. I am embarrassed to say that I had a hard time getting into the real focus of Easter.

We officially had the beginning of the semester melt down and I can't tell you how grateful I am for your talk with Jonathan, it helped... A lot. It is so nice to not have Jonathan working the night shift anymore. He can come home from school or work at 5 the latest and then he can be home. 

By the way your son should be a movie/tv writer. He can guess every plot twist and bad guy from like the first screen it really is a gift ;)

So I had an exciting doctors appointment today. Thankfully I tested negative for gestational diabetes however when I went in my iron level was super low. I guess a normal number is like 13 and I had like a 7 or something ridiculously low. They couldn't find my lab results from the beginning of the pregnancy to compare them too but he is assuming it has always been really low since I am not recently light headed and stuff. That combined with the insane thirst I have been having the last week caused them to test me for something called diabetes insipitus(sp?). He didn't tell me much about it and I haven't looked into it much. It looks like if I test positive I will just have to take some medicine for a while. I will find out Monday if I have it or not. Apparently though this is very rare something the doc hasn't seen in his career and most don't ever see. As I left he said you know I am really excited to see what happens. So I guess for the time being I am a medical mystery, I know just what a mother-in-law that halfway around the world wants to hear. I'm not worried if that makes you feel any better. Anyways that's what's new with us, we miss you tons!

SLY

I never want to go back to Star Valley again

Dear Mom,

So I'm not going to rehash the whole experience for everyone else to read about because I'm too lazy. But mom after that whole ticket problem we spent the next two hours trying to fix the lights on the trailer and we couldn't get them to work so we ended up having to unload everything from the trailer put it on our car and we finally left. It doesn't sound like a huge ordeal but we were so done by the end of that night. We pulled into Rexburg at about 11 and we were sure happy to be home.

Little Jon has been talking about uncle Paco all day today which is weird because we never really talk about Paco so I don't know where he's picking this up from but it's pretty funny. All day long he's been asking to call Paco.

Nathaniel bruises like I imagine Hannah did. I mean really it's almost like if you look at him wrong he has a bruise. He's been falling down a lot recently and therefore getting very bruised. It's the worst on his forehead. He will hit something and immediately this gross purple bruise will pop up. They go away relatively quickly but man that first hour, he looks scary.

Bed Time

Dear Mom,

We had a little bit of a scary experience today. I was cleaning out the storage room and Little Jon came up behind me and tried to grab a jar of baby food. It was pretty high for him so it fell... On his face and then dropped to the ground and shattered. He got a pretty nice bruise on his face. The best part was cleaning up all the applesauce covered glass on the uneven ground that is our basement.

I did finish organizing our storage room so now our house has been completely spring cleaned! You can't go anywhere in my house and have it not be organized and me know where everything is! I'm pretty excited tomorrow I will clean out the fireplace and then I will really be done!

I am really struggling with bed time right now. Tonight after dinner and baths usually I would do the dishes and clean up the kitchen but tonight I thought I would play with the kids instead give them some good attention and then maybe bed time would go more smoothly. I knew that tonight was Jonathan's big night for finals and he would be up late so I needed to take care of bed time myself. We got home and I put Nathaniel down and then watched tv with Little Jon for a little bit to make sure Nathaniel was really asleep before I took Little Jon in. Little Jon seemed tired so I tried to take him to his bed but he was really mad, maybe that should've been my first sign. Maybe I should've kept him up a little longer but his nap was early so I figured he should be tired. I put him in bed and laid down with him however he started to throw off all of his pillows, spit in my face and hit me. He refused to stay laying down in his bed to so after everything I could think of (I mean this kid didn't even protest when I told him I was leaving, which is weird for him) I reluctantly went and asked Jonathan for help. I felt awful because I knew he was working on a huge final but I didn't know what else to do, nothing I was doing was going to work. Joanna went in and within 5 minutes had him in his room quiet, probably asleep. I feel like part oft eh problem is when Little Jon isn't listening I go get Jonathan which just teaches him that Jonathan is the final word but I don't know what else to do. Do I just spend an hour repeatedly putting him back in bed? I really wish I was better at this. It makes me really mad that I can't do the bedtime routine successfully. I wonder if because Jonathan is gone during the day whenever he is home and spending time with them, like end time, they want to optimize their time with them and not make him mad but because I am with them all day it's nothing special, I don't know. Any suggestions are welcome I feel totally lost. 

SLY

Proud

Dear Mom,

Today I'm very proud of myself. Today I cleaned the entire house all before dinner. The thing that's really impressive about this is that I cleaned the bathrooms today, and I didn't leave them until very last. 

I really enjoyed general conference. I know you haven't seen or heard it yet but I made a really important realization. I realized that my priorities are not in the right place. I need to be focusing more on my spirituality. There was a quote that said something to the effect of the only important things that need to happen in the home are prayer scripture study and weekly family home evening everything else can wait.  I also realized I need to make sure that I am studying my scriptures every day and that is more important than having a clean home, that is going to be something I'm really going to have to work on because I really like having a clean home. We still miss you like crazy and can't wait until we can talk to you again.

SLY

My Husband is like a Pregnancy Bloodhound

Dear Mom,

Did you know your first born son can detect a pregnant woman from a mile away at least? Seriously wether it's me, other women, characters on TV shows or whatever he always knows when someone is pregnant, it's almost freaky. He always knows I am pregnant before I do and not only that he always knows the genders of our babies!!!! I don't get it. He either has a dream or he just knows but he is ALWAYS right. Which kinda sucks for  him since he likes to be suprized about that kind of stuff. He knew we were havin a girl when we went into the ultrasound and he never told me. I even asked him do you have any inklings about the gender and he looked me in the eye and said no. That punk. Anyway I thought you would like to know these fun little talents your son has.

SLY

Sugar Spice and Everything Nice

Dear Mom,

We are so excited to be expecting a baby girl!  as you know I've wrestled back-and-forth trying to decide whether or not I wanted to figure out the gender of this baby. All the way until the ultrasound I was still was pretty undecided.  We went in and I said don't tell me anything and I'll see how I feel. As I watch the ultrasound we start to feel very confident that we were having a girl and I realized that if I left the ultrasound not knowing for sure, meaning expecting a girl and then we ended up having a boy that might be really hard for me. So at the very end I said I think it's a girl, is it? And the ultrasound tech smiled, looked at me and said yes. Jonathan of course already knew like he always does with our kids so whatever. And now all of our future kids and be suprizes and he will certainly like that. 

Injuries

Dear Mom,

Injuries have been abounding in our house recently. Nathaniel learned the unfortunate lesson that the oven is hot. I was pulling something out of the oven and I had the rack out and Nathaniel came up and wrapped his little fingers right around it. He definitely learned his lesson though because a couple days later he was walking towards me and I opened the oven and he turned and ran the other way.

I dropped a piece of one of my foot a couple days ago it really hurts.

Yesterday was a bad day. Little Jon is going through this phase where he really likes to push over his brother and hit him in the head with toys. The problem is that Nathaniel cries for just about anything so it's hard to know when he's really hurt and when he's just been touched. Little Jon bit him yesterday and in fact it drew blood but he bit him right on his burn so I think it just barely broke open some tender skin either way I felt really bad. Little Jon was acting up especially bad yesterday and I think it was because I didn't take time to play with him yesterday. I'm been trying really hard to make sure I take time out of every day to sit down and play with my kids because I feel like that's something I'm not very good at and it's very important. It also snowed here the last couple of days so Little Jon has not been able to go outside which also I think it had an impact on his mood. Hopefully things look up.

New Feel

So I am going to get back into blogging. My in laws just moved to the Philippines and so with the time difference and lack of phone time I have decided to use my blog to keep them updated. I am as close to my mother in law as I am to my own mother so this might get a little personal but whatever, it also just might be the mundane updates of my daily life. I also secretly hope that this turns into this super sweet record of my life.

Dear Mom,

I miss talking to you on the phone but I have to admit it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It isn't until I hear your voice surfing those rare calls that I realize how much I miss you so I guess it's really good we don't talk often. I think this will be good for our family though. It will help us grow up a little and be a little more independent. Anyways enough of the mushy here is the update on us. 

JT is doing well but it's the week before finals so we are starting all the huge projects, thankfully though almost all of his classes are done so during the day he works in homework and then goes to work. 

I'm doing fine my sciatica must have been a strained muscle because other than the occasional discomfort it is mostly gone. I still cry when I watch... Well pretty much anything. We are watching the end of ice age right now and it's a good thing I am focusing on this or I would be a wreck. 

Little Jon just keeps growing and learning. He now loves to put his own socks on and take his clothes off. He also discovered a teddy bear that was actually a gift from one of sam's girlfriends and I took cause it was soft and I have kids anyway Little Jon loves it! He carries it around with him and he tucks it into bed, it's quite adorable

You can't tell but he is wearing a pair if JT's socks that he put on all by himself. Bed time is mostly a success I would say 80% of the time Little Jon stays in his big boy bed. The thing I don't get is how JT is so much better at it than I am. I will spend 30 minutes trying to put them in bed, will get frustrated and JT will come in and tell Little Jon one thing, put him back in bed and then he stays there. When the inverse happens it still takes me at least 10 minutes to get him to stay put. I wish I knew what was so different that he does, oh well.

We have all recovered from sickness, except Nathaniel he can't seem to kick it. I took him in to make sure it wasn't whooping cough or RSV. Good news is he doesn't have those but the doc said he thought he might have the starts of an ear infection. He have us an antibiotic which Nathaniel finished yesterday but he  doesn't seem to be getting better. He is super cranky and not sleeping well. Last night JT sent me to bed while he quickly cleaned up the basement and made sure the boys stayed asleep. Well both boys ended up waking up and JT finally got Little Jon asleep but Nathaniel was still antsy. He ended up spending the whole night rocking Nathaniel and neither one slept well. I woke up to JT bringing Nathaniel into our room and I said I would take him to which JT replied he won't go back to sleep its 620. I felt awful. Anyway hopefully he will sleep well tonight and that will help. 

Little Jon also has this cute new habit where he likes to push Nathaniel over, it's awesome. 

Anyway we love and miss you and we can't wait to see pictures of your new house!