I have mostly been using this blog as a way to update my in-laews who are currently in the Philippines but today I would like to change my focus and write a letter to my dear sweet mother, because if I write it down I will be able to get all of my feelings out coherently... I hope.
Dear Mom,
I came to an amazing realization today and I owe it all to you. I have never thought you ugly, ever, not even once. When I think of you I don't think of how much you weigh of how your hair looks or whether the house was clean. When I think of you I feel love. I don't just think about it I feel it. Motherhood is hard and I am sorry for being a punk most of my life I am so sorry. I wish I could have had the foresight to see how much my actions affected you. I guess thats the curse of motherhood you never realize how hard it is and how much you're children's action affect you and your happiness. That however is a thought I will go into deeper at another time.
Mom,
You have always been beautiful to me, always. That has made me realize that my children too, will think I am beautiful. I believe there is a beauty that comes with motherhood, that or kids really don't care about how much their parents weigh or how they dress. It brings me such comfort to know that even though I may not always be happy with my body my children are. It is soft and makes a great pillow. It can hold them tight when they are hurt and it can kiss all the boo-boos away. My body is good enough, I am good enough. So I vow to stop the body bashing because really who does that help anyway? Also, if I ever voice those negative thoughts about my body it gives them power over me and in turn will show my children that maybe they need to question their bodies too, and they don't, they are beautiful. So the bashing stops now, that acceptance begins now because if I am good enough for them and they think I am beautiful what else matters? If I have only ever thought of you as beautiful why can't my children think of me the same way? I have confidence that they will, and that confidence helps me feel beautiful, just the way I am. So bring on the swim suits and unflattering pictures because I am beautiful and I owe it all to you.
Thanks Mom.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
It's Different This Time
Dear Mom,
I've noticed a very interesting phenomenon with Emily. You see usually right after I have a baby I enjoy having a newborn, for about a week and then I get bored and wish they would learn how to smile, or roll over or anything really. With Emily I am completely basking in the newborn-ness. I love to sit and look at her I don't mind nursing her for an hour plus (except that it's hard to keep the boys occupied that long). I sit and think about how much I love having a newborn. I've been wondering what has been different this time around and Jonathan helped me realize that currently she is my only child that doesn't destroy the house. I think he is on to something. I love having a baby that is so sweet, small, and immobile.
Little Jon has really blossomed into his older brother role. I ask him to help me do things all the time and he is so willing. He helps burp Emily, helps Nathaniel find his shoes and when Nathaniel is having a hard time getting up the slide or out of a whole Little Jon is there hand outstretched offering his service. It is adorable.
We had quite the experience at the grocery store today. Grocery shopping with 3 kids is hard because I don't have room for them and groceries, the cart simply isn't that big. So today Little Jon was standing on the outside of the cart, on the front and holding on. He likes to jump off and on, which is super obnoxious, and occasionally I bump into his feet accidentally. He thinks its funny, most of the time. I also can't see Little Jon when he is on the front of the cart because Emily's car seat is just too big. Anyway we were going through the store when Little Jon hopped off. I didn't know this and so I plowed on trying to get through the store as fast as I could. I rammed into Little Jon which hurled our cart to an immediate halt causing me to hit Little Jon in the head with the cart and, even better, Nathaniel who was standing in the basket flipped out and landed on the floor. It was a pretty nice bonk. Nathaniel is crying and as I tell Little Jon not to jump off the cart, rather forcefully, i see that he has a goosed on his head which makes me feel even worse. Thankfully everyone is ok, except my mommy ego.
SLY
I've noticed a very interesting phenomenon with Emily. You see usually right after I have a baby I enjoy having a newborn, for about a week and then I get bored and wish they would learn how to smile, or roll over or anything really. With Emily I am completely basking in the newborn-ness. I love to sit and look at her I don't mind nursing her for an hour plus (except that it's hard to keep the boys occupied that long). I sit and think about how much I love having a newborn. I've been wondering what has been different this time around and Jonathan helped me realize that currently she is my only child that doesn't destroy the house. I think he is on to something. I love having a baby that is so sweet, small, and immobile.
Little Jon has really blossomed into his older brother role. I ask him to help me do things all the time and he is so willing. He helps burp Emily, helps Nathaniel find his shoes and when Nathaniel is having a hard time getting up the slide or out of a whole Little Jon is there hand outstretched offering his service. It is adorable.
We had quite the experience at the grocery store today. Grocery shopping with 3 kids is hard because I don't have room for them and groceries, the cart simply isn't that big. So today Little Jon was standing on the outside of the cart, on the front and holding on. He likes to jump off and on, which is super obnoxious, and occasionally I bump into his feet accidentally. He thinks its funny, most of the time. I also can't see Little Jon when he is on the front of the cart because Emily's car seat is just too big. Anyway we were going through the store when Little Jon hopped off. I didn't know this and so I plowed on trying to get through the store as fast as I could. I rammed into Little Jon which hurled our cart to an immediate halt causing me to hit Little Jon in the head with the cart and, even better, Nathaniel who was standing in the basket flipped out and landed on the floor. It was a pretty nice bonk. Nathaniel is crying and as I tell Little Jon not to jump off the cart, rather forcefully, i see that he has a goosed on his head which makes me feel even worse. Thankfully everyone is ok, except my mommy ego.
SLY
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