A Thought on Motherhood and Body Size

I have mostly been using this blog as a way to update my in-laews who are currently in the Philippines but today I would like to change my focus and write a letter to my dear sweet mother, because if I write it down I will be able to get all of my feelings out coherently... I hope.

Dear Mom,
I came to an amazing realization today and I owe it all to you. I have never thought you ugly, ever, not even once. When I think of you I don't think of how much you weigh of how your hair looks or whether the house was clean. When I think of you I feel love. I don't just think about it I feel it. Motherhood is hard and I am sorry for being a punk most of my life I am so sorry. I wish I could have had the foresight to see how much my actions affected you. I guess thats the curse of motherhood you never realize how hard it is and how much you're children's action affect you and your happiness. That however is a thought I will go into deeper at another time.

Mom,
You have always been beautiful to me, always. That has made me realize that my children too, will think I am beautiful. I believe there is a beauty that comes with motherhood, that or kids really don't care about how much their parents weigh or how they dress. It brings me such comfort to know that even though I may not always be happy with my body my children are. It is soft and makes a great pillow. It can hold them tight when they are hurt and it can kiss all the boo-boos away. My body is good enough, I am good enough. So I vow to stop the body bashing because really who does that help anyway? Also, if I ever voice those negative thoughts about my body it gives them power over me and in turn will show my children that maybe they need to question their bodies too, and they don't, they are beautiful. So the bashing stops now, that acceptance begins now because if I am good enough for them and they think I am beautiful what else matters? If I have only ever thought of you as beautiful why can't my children think of me the same way? I have confidence that they will, and that confidence helps me feel beautiful, just the way I am. So bring on the swim suits and unflattering pictures because I am beautiful and I owe it all to you.
Thanks Mom.