The very watered-down jist of the story is all those tedious things that mothers hate doing such as wiping noses, changing clothes and patting backs, all those of obnoxious things we do are because someone needs us and that eventually those days will end and nobody will need us anymore and we will miss those days dearly. It's a great read, it made me cry. But then again everything makes me cry now.
So Emily's crib is falling apart. Our plan was to put the side back on the crib Nathaniel is sleeping in and move Emily into it and then move Nathaniel into the double bed that Little Jon is currently sleeping in and have them sleep together. It saves space it is the cheapest option. Little Jon loves to sleep with Nathaniel they've done it a couple times before however Nathaniel really likes having his own space. Tonight was the first night we instigated the boys must sleep together program. The boys weren't being very obedient so they were sent to bed early. When I put Nathaniel up in Little Jon's bed(it's a top bunk) he was virtually hysterical he did not want to sleep there however we decided that if we were going to go through this we had to be consistent. Plus all changes have a certain adjustment period. For 40 minutes I kept going back into their room telling Little Jon to leave Nathaniel alone and to go to sleep. Finally I decided to stay in there and rub their backs until they fell asleep. Nathaniel fell asleep after about 13 minutes. Little Jon however, seemed quite alert. About this time I start thinking about how much I need to go feed Emily, and how much I don't want to be rubbing his back anymore, about how my arm is really tired from reaching over the top bunk to try to reach his back so I can rub it. I try explaining this to Little Jon, he just begs me to stay and keep rubbing his back. Write as I am trying to find a way, anyway, to get out of rubbing his back anymore a little voice in my head says "Mommy, somebody needs you." And so instead of leaving, and trying to find a way out of it, I stayed. For the first time in a long time I chose my children over cleaning the house or getting other things that I wanted to get done. This is something that I have really been trying to work on recently. I feel like I'm not a very nice mother and it's got me worried. I've been trying really hard to work on it and tonight I finally felt like I had a little piece of success. My house is a disaster, there are groceries all over the floor (but at least I got all the frozen and refrigerated stuff put away right?) but that's okay because tonight somebody needed me.
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