Life as we know it

Well, I feel the need to back track and record a little of my life, specifically the day that Little Jon was born.

*To us this is a miracle story but to others it may be considered a horror story so please consider before you read*

On December 13th I went in to get my water broken because I was 10 days overdue. We were originally scheduled to go in at 10 but the hospital called and said we currently have 6 women here in labor so you have to come in later. So around 2 we went in and our midwife broke my water which let me just say is one of the weirdest feelings in the world. The weirdest part was that it wasn't just a one time thing, you continue to leak for several hours. Now Jonathan and I had planned an all natural delivery, we figured that having my water broken was pretty non-intrusive. So we labored in the hospital for a good 9 hours when I turned to Jonathan and said "You know, I think I want an epidural." We discussed it for a little while, because after all it was contrary to what we had planned for our whole pregnancy. I really just felt like I wanted to get an epidural and that I needed to do it. We got the epidural which is a weird sensation, at one point it felt like someone had hit my funny bone but inside my body, then we waited. My contractions began to slow down and so my midwife came in and said you know you aren't really progressing so we need to give you some Pitocin. They shot that in and then the baby's heart rate went berserk. He couldn't handle the stress that the pitocin was causing so they took me off of it. The midwife came in and said here's the deal the epidural caused you to stop progressing and the pitocin is to hard on the baby, now we need to get him out because we broke your water; you need to have a c-section. We had to agree it was the only thing to do. We were a little disappointed because we wondered if my choice to get an epidural had caused all of this. Because we didn't stick to our plan we were subject to what we like to call cascading interventions.

They started to prep me for the c section. Now they totally pumped up my pain meds because I was going to be awake for the procedure. It was funny because they kept asking me to move but I couldn't. So they laid me on the table and strapped my arms out, as if I were on a cross. They had my arms strapped down to the table with 2 straps on each arm. It was kind of intimidating. The reason they did that was so that I wouldn't touch anything that was sterile, on purpose or not. They also put a big sheet in front of my face so I couldn't see what was going on. The sheet was like 3 inches from my face which made me feel slightly claustrophobic. They said ok we are going to get started and I said wait where is Jonathan you cant start without him here, I really got nervous. They said he was coming but I was still slightly afraid they would start without him. He came in like 30 seconds later and sat next to me, behind the curtain and he held my hand. They got started and the numbing medicine was working well, mostly. Shortly after they started I said you know I can feel something, I'm in some pain. Yep I can feel it on my right side. The anesthesiologist kept saying ok we will give you something in a minute, and I kept thinking give me something now! I didn't realize that they didn't want to give me anything until Little Jon was out because it would go straight to him which would've been no good. As they began to do the procedure I noticed that Jonathan was squeezing my hand harder than I was squeezing his. He was really nervous that I could feel what was going on. At one point I turned to him and said hunny your hurting my hand please stop sqeazing my IV. They asked Jonathan if he wanted to see them take the baby out so he watched that. As they too the baby out I heard loud gasps and then wow this is a big baby! All of the sudden the doctor, midwife and nurses were all talking about how massive our baby was. In my latest appointment the told me they thought my baby would be around 8 lbs. Little Jon came out at a whopping 10 lbs 11 oz 21.5 inches long at 4:26 AM. The thing was that I had so much fluid in me that compared to the room he had to move around they didn't think he would be so big. The doctor kept joking about the midwife not being able to lift our son over the sheet so I could see him (although she was able to). After that I don't remember a lot because as soon as Little Jon was out they pumped me full of drugs. I fought really hard to stay awake and talk to the doctors while they stitched me up but Jonathan says I never said anything.

They rolled me down the hall to a room and I saw Jonathan I asked him for a drink of water because I thought I was going to die of dehydration ( I hadn't eaten or drank anything for several hours because I was going to have the operation). Jonathan was on his way out when he stopped and said I have a better surprise for you. That is when they brought me Little Jon. I remember holding him and just being completely flabbergasted. This was my son. The thing that was inside my belly for 9 months was finally here and this is what it looked, smelled and felt like. It was weird. I still to this day occasionally look down at Little Jon and go wow I'm a mom, weird. They wheeled me down to the room I would be staying in for the rest of our hospital time and as they turned into the room there was a nurse following us with a baby in her arms and I thought she was coming in the room with us and that was when I had this thought, Oh no I had twins and they didn't tell me! The nurse continued on into another room which relived me, not because I didn't want twins but because I only had one of everything at home.

The rest of the stay in the hospital was as normal and we went home 36 hours ish later. My son has seemed so big to me until these last few weeks when I look at him and I go you know you really are little, even if you are big for a baby.

Looking back on the whole situation I am so glad that it went the way that it did. The doctors told me it is a good thing you had a c-section because my bone structure wouldn't allow the baby to come through the birth canal he was just so big. It was at this moment that Jonathan and I were very grateful for modern medicine. If I would've had my baby 100 years ago we both would've died. I think it was inspiration that led me to get the epidural when I did because if I hadn't of gotten one Little Jon would've spent a lot of time crashing his head against a hole that would never be big enough and the whole thing would've seemed like even more of an emergency because they would've had to give me the epidural and prep me for the c-section all at once and it would've felt very urgent.

Something that surprised me was how strong the baby blues can be. I thought after I had the baby things would be more normal. I think the emotions are a lot harder to handle after you deliver than during the pregnancy, at least they are for me. I think it is the responsibility you immediately feel for this little baby. I do love my son but man some days the blues hit and I wonder if I will ever be an adequate mom, or if I will ever be able to get him to stop crying. I feel bad for my poor husband, because sometimes I break down and become a useless wreck. On the other hand, being a mom is awesome and a lot of fun. I think it is going through the hard times that makes it so wonderful. I am so grateful for my son and the woman he is forcing me to become and for my husband and the patience he has with me. I couldn't be more blessed.