Dear Friends,
I asked on Facebook recently what people do when they are stressed that isn't binge eating. After reading your comments, having a breakdown and discussing it with my dear, sweet husband I've come to an answer. For those who don't want to read a super long post I'll give you my insight now and explain it all later.
WHEN I DON'T SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH MY CHILDREN MY LIFE FALLS APART.
Ok here is a little back story. I am pregnant with my 4th child. My first was a c-section, my second was a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) my third was a c-section and I am trying for another VBAC or VBA2C (vaginal birth after 2 cesareans) if you want to get technical. I have never tested positive for gestational diabetes but my mom had it and i suspect I do as well because my 1st and 3rd children were over 10.5 lbs. With my second I did the gestational diabetes diet and exercised during the pregnancy and he was only 8 lbs 1 oz. We are very motivated to have another vaginal birth and so I am dieting and exercising to keep this baby small. I've been doing great, much better than I expected actually. About 7 weeks ago at my last doctors appointment I had lost 7 lbs since the start of my pregnancy, I was ecstatic. A week and a half ago I went to the Lloyd family reunion in Hawaii with my family. I was really good at staying off sweets, I caved and ate late night snacks (which I'm realizing is really just as bad). Finally around day 6 of 9 I broke down to my husband about how I felt like I was missing out because I wan't getting sweets like everyone else was. I didn't feel successful for abstaining I just felt like I was missing out. We decided that have a little bit of sweet wouldn't kill me, it was worth fixing this issue. We got home and a couple days later I had my doctor appointment. i had gained back the 7 lbs i had lost and an additional 4. I was crushed. Did I just guarantee my own c-section? I was so upset and had a renewed vigor to get back on the horse and not have snacks or sweets and to make sure i was working out. That night Jonathan had to go into work late and so I was putting the kids to bed and it was just a nightmare. I tried to be nice but it felt like the kids just wouldn't listen and then I just wasn't very nice. I texted Jonathan and told him to pick up ice cream on the way home. I was going through the turmoil or wanting ice cream because i was so distressed and also hating myself for wanting the ice cream. Jonathan said he wasn't anywhere close to done with work but he would call me on his way home and see if I still wanted it. In the end he didn't get ice cream, but i did have another serving of dinner.
On another note my family has had a very hard time getting back onto the right time zone since Hawaii. The kids stay up late and then sleep in late which I have been enjoying but I have also been sleeping in which makes my life less successful. Anyway this morning i woke up to Nathaniel covered in lipstick. He had gotten into my makeup and smeared a whole tube of lipstick and lipgloss all over our window sil(?), floor in our laundry room, and carpet in the front room. I was furious. I told Jonathan to clean him up and put him back in bed until i got the mess cleaned up and was able to talk to Nathaniel calmly. I cried and felt horrible because I had yelled at him which was just what I needed after how I treated the kids the night before. Jonathan had to go to work so after I cleaned up the mess somewhat I sent the kids downstairs tow watch a movie while i cleaned the carpet, because that lipstick was not coming out. After the movie was over I sent the kids outside so I could finally make breakfast. While making breakfast I was reading your comments on what to do instead of binge eating and honestly I just got discouraged. Hobby time? What do you do with your kids? Do you send them outside, start a movie? What are they doing while you are trying to have your detox time? Probably destroying the house so that option is out. After they go to bed? That's couple time.Assorted snack options that was more discouraging because I am trying to not gain any more weight so that just set me off into a fit of tears. (I don't mean to make anyone feel bad, really I am just trying to explain how I got the the conclusions I did. I am raging with hormones right now so know I don't hate any of you for your suggestions.) More fruits and veggies, sounds great but they are so expensive. I was cooking breakfast and reading your ideas when i just started bawling. I figured there was no cure, and hey maybe I should just binge eat because then I would be "happy" and c-sections really aren't that bad after all. (In all seriousness, they really aren't if they are planned. With my 3rd I have a planned c section and it was actually quite wonderful. But I really want to have that bonding experience with my husband as he helps me get through labor, it is truly the most uniting experience of our marriage.) Jonathan came up(he sometimes works from home) and noticed me crying and let me just explode at him. He then very sweetly said would you like me to help you find a solution to this or do you just want to feel for a little longer? (Isn't he just the best?) I told him I was done feeling like crap give me a solution. Oh and BTW my house is a disaster right now too which just made everything more dramatic.
We have found that our children misbehave when they need attention. If I give them the attention they need they are glorious and so am I. Notice this morning I started by exploding at Nathaniel banishing everyone to the basement and then outside. We didn't sit down for breakfast until probably 10. I felt like the kids were always in my way. If I could just send them away for a weekend and get the house clean, and my life back on schedule surely that would fix everything. What my children needed was me. This morning i should've done a quick clean up of the mess and then made breakfast while talking to my kids and then spent sometime hanging out with them until they were content and then cleaned the carpets. I am very motivated to clean my house. It is important to me to have a clean house with chores done. I have hard time playing with my children. I get bored, I don't know how to do it and it is always after my chores are done and the house is clean. I have found that when i spend time with my children and take time out to do what they want to do I still have time to get my chores done. Somehow it all works out when I put them first. But when I put my needs and wants first it usually ends in yelling and hurt feeling, and binge eating.
Yes, i need to find better stress management techniques but the better solution is to find a way to eliminate the stress instead. Cure the disease instead of finding a different band-aid for it. So after breakfast I went outside with my boys and we ran through the sprinkler, and pretended to fly on airplanes and catch turtles in the ocean, and then we came inside and watched a TV show and I put them down for naps and guess what? They were a joy to be with, and so was I. My house is still a mess, I still haven't showered or done any chores, but I spent sometime with my kids and everyone was happy. And really, isn't that what it's really all about? Putting my kids first should be my top priority and though it is something i truly struggle with, slowly I will get better day by day as I choose them over my wants.
